I asked my friend, Erin, this question, and she fired back an answer so fast. Here I am thinking that I probably fit into the dwarf category, and she was like “LOL not a chance.” And you know what? I agree with her reasoning.

Bilbo art by littlestpersimmon

Even though dwarf does still ring a bell for me, I do definitely think I’m a hobbit. Sure, I love mountains more than anything, and I’d just about die if I could retire to the mountains far away from everyone, and I relate so strongly to Gimli huffing & puffing as he’s running after Aragorn & Legolas, and I vibe real hard with their stubborn, bullheaded nature, but do you know what sounds infinitely more delightful to me?

Eating whenever I want. Having twelve cups of tea a day. Just lounging in the garden, not really bothering with work, a book at hand if I want to read, and the promise of a long afternoon spent in the sun. I know that hobbits work (kind of?), but they’re often more preoccupied with quiet mornings, occasional parties, and lots and lots of food, and that just sounds delightful. The very soft, easy way they exist in the world is exactly how I’d like to spend my ultimate years on this planet, and to do so in a place like the Shire sounds incredible.

It still strikes me, though, that I would pick the Shire over somewhere like Moria. But, then again, the second I start thinking about the grand, glorious halls of Moria, and how truly magnificent they likely are now that the dwarves have had time to rebuild, I also start thinking about how far away those halls are from the sunlight, and that, I think, is the thing I can’t compromise on. Far be it from me to say that I’m a regular lounge lizard in the sun because that is truly not the case, and I love the sky at night far more than the sky during the day, but there’s something about sunlight that I don’t think I could give up.

Shire art by JerodArt

There’s something about seeing my cats just absolutely melting in a patch of sunlight, or breathing in that cold, brisk air of a winter day. Mountains are something I like to visit, and while I would, ideally, like to live on one in my old age, I don’t think I’d like to live in one. Yes, caves are beautiful, and I think mining would be a hell of a fun time, but then I start thinking about the sound of birds as spring is approaching, the quiet rustle of the trees in an autumn breeze, the crash of waves against the ocean shore in summer. I don’t think those are things I could visit. I think I’d have to live among those and go off to visit the mountains.

And, really, it’s not just the location, though that’s a big part of it. The slowness of hobbits makes a lot of sense to me, too. People are always saying how they couldn’t imagine not having a job, and my dudes, oh my gosh, give me the money to just settle down, and I promise you that I’ll have plenty to do. I’m not even talking shows to watch or books to read, not even just books to write, but all the things. I’ll travel everywhere, and I’ll hike all the mountains, and I’ll take afternoon walks in the woods, regardless of the weather, and I’ll do yoga every day and climb all the time and just exist. I love the idea of being a dwarf, I do, but I love the idea of being a hobbit so much more because it feels like it opens up so many avenues in my life that I’m already yearning for.

Samwise Gamgee art by tosquinha

My favorite character isn’t Samwise Gamgee for no reason. He is everything I want out of life, and I often say that if I could take the place of any LOTR character, it would be Rosie Cotton just so I could marry Sam and have a quiet, slow, wonderful life. The ideals that hobbits hold in their hearts, and the lifestyles that they create sound like the exact right thing in the world for me, and it’s something I’m going to strive for.

(My brother, in answer to this question, said he’d want to be a Ranger, and I highly agree with that. He also said he wasn’t posh enough to be an elf, not cool enough to be a wizard, and agreed that he also wouldn’t be able to leave the wild world behind to live as a dwarf inside a mountain.)

Posted by:Mary Drover

she/her | yoga teacher | Tibetan Buddhism | part-time witch | full-time author | astronaut in a previous life

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