This week’s That Artsy Reader Girl topic is SO MUCH FUN! Like, seriously, I’m going to have an absolute blast putting together this list. I’m going to try to talk about the kind of vibe I think the band would have, as well, and maybe even rec a song based on the band name. Also, I feel like I should note that I’ve somehow curated a list entirely of books that I haven’t read yet.
Don’t even start with me, you known where this is going. Cemetery Boys are two best friends that the internet ships together, but they never address it because they just like being soft together, okay. They’re just here to quietly sit with no personal space between them. One of them plays the guitar, and one of them sings soulfully with his eyes closed, and every single teenager girl is dead.
I feel like this is going to be the first of many woman-led bands, but obviously The Daughters of Temperance Hobbs is going to be the reason a lot of young women question their sexuality for the first time. Do I just admire their feisty singer, or do I have a crush on her? Send help? There will be lots of confused tweets about them until fans finally see them live, and then it’s just “wow I’m gay.”
Don’t Call the Wolf is your average alt-rock indie band that everyone loves, but no one is freaking out about. Wow, okay, as I said that, I immediately came up with the perfect song rec for this, I’M SORRY. There’s, like, eight people in the band for reasons no one can discern, and you were all pretty sure all of them were men until you finally see the in concert, and there’s a woman playing bass?? What??
Obviously, we’ve got to have at least one brothers band on here, and don’t worry, I’m going to rec them correctly. Three brothers, too, because that’s how it’s done, and they were just flopped on the couch one day when they were still kids, and one of them was like, “Guys, we should be in a band and tour the world someday.” I feel like a lot of kids say this, but these kids actually started doing it, and their parents hated them because they liked to practice late at night, so they eventually sound-proofed the garage for them. And look, we all pretend we don’t love them, but the Euphoria Kids concerts are selling out for a reason.
We all knew and loved The Falling in Love Montage when we were in high school. They were a local band that we actually knew, and we went to shows in the basements of churches. We screamed, and we raved about how we wanted to see them on Warped Tour, and we excitedly bounced around whenever they came to other shows to walk the line and try to get people to listen to their music. OH MY GOD I JUST OUTED MYSELF HERE’S A BAND I DID THAT WITH A LOT.
The Fascinators, my god, you only listen to them in the summer when you can roll all your windows down and just scream along joyously. There’s no hope for you when this song comes on. “IT’S MY JAM!” you scream. Volume up to the point where the car speakers are a little concerned, and the highway air is whipping hair all over the place, your sunglasses might fling off your face, that’s how fast you’re driving, and everything is just so good in the world at that moment.
Oh man, can you just imagine this? Gravemaidens would 100% be an all-girls group. They all have really long hair that they don’t do anything fancy with, it just hangs in their face as they headbang because they’re totally a hard rock or metal band. The drummer is everyone’s favorite. She’s got, like, a cult following in the sub reaches of Instagram, and people will fight you tooth and nail about her. There is, of course, only one possible song that I could rec for Gravemaidens.
The Gravity of Us is that weird band that your best friend likes, but you’ve never really gotten into it until they drag you to a concert so they won’t be alone, and you’re like, wait dude this is amazing. And they just nod wisely. “Yes, I am all-knowing,” the nod implies. It’s kind of ambient music, but also kind of super hyped sometimes? We’re all confused, but we’re all happy about it.
I am deceased. This band is one we all like to pretend is so goddamn pretentious, I mean, the name alone, The Last True Poets of the Sea, really? That’s what we’re going with? Okayyyyyy, if that’s what rocks your socks. But, like, also? Kind of really into it? They have some catchy tunes, okay, but only a couple, it’s not like we’re fans or anything. Ahem.
I am still cackling at this name. This was one of the first books I grabbed because The Orchard Underground? That might actually be a band already. They’re a Warped tour band. You heard them there, you forgot about them for ages, and then discovered that one of your friends was a super huge fan, and you’re like oh yeah that band! You listen to them probably three times a year, but when you do, it’s an all-week marathon, and then you forget again for a while.