Wow, I’ve got to say, this week’s That Artsy Reader Girl topic for TTT was way harder than I expected. When I saw the topic, I thought it’d be great fun to follow a bunch of my favorite characters on social media, but then I actually got around to trying to figure out what that would look like, and I quickly drew some blanks. Every cell in my body wanted to put Kaz Brekker on this list, but would he actually post on social media? 100% NO. So, I tried to think of characters that I would both like to follow and that I think would actually have an active social media account. Let’s see what I came up with.

Richard Campbell Gansey III

Okay, not gonna lie, Gansey would totally be my very first follow because a) he’s a dork and the amount of aesthetically pleasing rule of thirds photos he would post of Blue candidly standing in awe of some natural phenomenon would destroy me and also b) there would very infrequently just be pictures of him doing donuts in the Pig with Ronan hanging out of the passenger window screaming, devil horns up, and the worst EDM music blaring you’ve ever heard in your life.

Normally, Gansey captions his photos with like “finding ourselves in the Mojave Desert” and it’s just Blue and Henry pointing excitedly at something, so of course Adam comments with approximately 75 rolling eyes emoji. But, sometimes he goes home, picks up Ronan, they find an empty parking lot, and then the caption becomes “YIPPIE-KI-YAY MOTHAFFFFFFF”.

Zuzana Nováková

I am here for Zuz’s aesthetic. Like, her adventures alone would make for the most incredible Instagram because random abandoned castle in the desert? A bird’s eye view of somewhere literally no one knows? Mik serenely playing violin on a gondola because fuck they need a break sometimes.

But my favorite would be this, Karou home in Prague for a hot minute, Mik relegated to keeping Akiva busy for the night, and the pair of them going out for a GNO @ Poison Kitchen. They walk in, and the owners, who haven’t seen them in forever and a day, are like WAIT WE HAVE SOMETHING SPECIAL IN MIND, and when they finally get their dinner, Zuzana is beside herself. Red pasta? Black sauce?? A SKELETON FORK???

Caption: we’re those bitches.

Aristide Makricosta

I live in a world where Aristide & Cyril live happily ever after, and–OH WAIT THAT WORLD EXISTS. Hi, yes, I’m never going to get over Amberlough, there is a hole in my heart, and I am slowly dying, please send gay help. But the ending of Amnesty was literally everything and more that I could have ever possibly wanted, so forgive me if I like to pretend cell phones & social media exist in this world purely so that Aristide can post mostly outrageous OOTD, seaside sunsets, and obscenely decadent food while also sneaking in the occasional half-nude Cyril lounging in bed.

They haven’t gotten to lounge in years, and Aristide is determined to take advantage of their retirement now. (No one is actually allowed to call it retirement even if Aristide admits they’re old af now.) And sometimes, he forgets all the bullshit that’s come before until he walks in from getting the paper, and there’s Cyril, sprawled in bed, comfortable for the first time in literally decades, the sun dappling across his back, and jfc Aristide is so in love, it hurts.

Also, no, he never captions a single one of his photos. He’s Aristide Makricosta, you’re lucky he posts at all.

Daniel Arlington

Darlington’s social media is a cross between lad and scholar, and it’s infuriating. Alex hates it, and she will not follow him. Sometimes, he likes to throw a good shadowy picture of Alex being spooky or Dawes bundled up in her hoodie, but mostly he’s about the library shots, chalked symbols, and aesthetically pleasing views of the Arlington house. Look, he is who he is, and he’s not ashamed of it.

He’s got, like, a truly staggering amount of followers because his social media is so pretty, and while most of those are book nerds that live for these kind of shelf shots, there’s also a ton of occultist people because they’re like “okay, we’ve established that this dude is into some freaky shit, but he also wears polos???”

Caption: Sunday afternoon well spent.

(Obviously, Alex comments the throwing up emoji in seven different comments.)

Elisabeth Scrivener

Again, Elisabeth is one of those people with a weird mix of followers. Some are dude bros here for the sword shots. Some are book nerds here for the library with a small white cat curled up in an armchair shot. Some are here because there’s occasionally this hot guy frowning at his desk. Elisabeth has no concept of social media “rules”, she just likes to post 18 times one day and then not again for three months until she gets a new sword and is like HERE IS MY COLLECTION WE’VE NAMED THE NEW ONE STANLEY.

She has a truly insane amount of swords building up because Nathaniel just kinda gives a sure whatever shrug whenever she spots a new one, and Silas has started “procuring” them (Elisabeth doesn’t want to know what that really means) in the middle of the night so it’s like a scavenger hunt in the morning. Eventually, though, one of them is going to appear gleaming down the middle of the dining table, and Nathaniel double checks what exactly is going on here.

Caption: I KNOW they need to be cleaned, don’t @ me in the comments, I wanted to show you how pretty they were BEFORE AND AFTER.

Evander Sera

You know what kind of follow Evander is. He posts once every other week, but it’s so goddamn pretty that you follow him anyway. His pictures are usually full of flowers, sometimes shots of the sun with a city skyline below, and very rarely a pair of hands, maybe a shoulder, possibly even the shadowed outline of hair hovering above. There’s never a face, but Evander is very clearly in love with whoever he’s always sneaking pictures of.

He usually posts pictures of flowers when Newt starts to cringe if Evander tries to take his picture, but occasionally, Newt’s feeling okay in his own skin and he’ll shyly hide a smile in the grass, and god if Evander doesn’t get to spend the rest of his life watching him smile, he doesn’t know what he’ll do.

Caption: we were watching a bumblebee shake its tush.

Jamshid e-Pramukh

Look, we’re all going to die this summer, but until then, let’s pretend that Jamshid & Muntadhir get to live happily ever after in public or private, whatever they want, I’m just here to support them. Heck, I don’t even care if Muntadhir & Nahri stay married for political reasons, as long as Jamshid gets to stop everything and just allow himself a long hour every morning to sprawl in Muntadhir’s bed and be fed food and books and tea.

There’s never any people in his pictures, it’s always just a stray sweater, a steaming cup of tea, a window overlooking the city, rumpled covers, an overflowing vase of flowers, the water sparkling at night, maybe a foot poking against his book. His most liked photos are always the ones Muntadhir takes, though, with all of Jamshid’s things spread across the bed because goddamn it he’s going to monopolize all of the luxury now that he finally can.

Caption: husband told me to stay in bed, so I told him to give me a reason to, so he provided me with tea & a book. well played.

Zebulon Finch

Zebulon has Twitter, not Instagram, and he uses it like Google because he’s is fucking ancient. He also uses it to instigate fights, although he’s not aware that’s what he’s doing, he just doesn’t understand that free speech does not equal no consequences. Look, we all know he’s an asshole, and the only reason I would follow him is to watch him go down in flames, but not actually go down because he would literally never realize he was being an asshole.

Still, he’s weirdly progressive about some things, and he’s loud about all things, so while people hate him for advocating for no gun laws, he also screams at people who think the earth is flat, so like?

Enne Salta

Enne’s social media is very specifically separate from all other parts of her life. It’s dainty & femme af & full of pink tulle. No one knows that she’s a gang lord because she’s always posting elegant cupcakes and rows upon rows of shoes, but occasionally, she throws in a pair of white lace gloves and the thinly veiled questions start rolling in.

Mostly, though, she posts about her impromptu shopping days. High tea with the girls? Check. More handbags that would ever be necessary? Check. A mountain of silk and tulle to die in? Check, check, check.

Caption: bury me in this.

Sam

Sam follows, like, six accounts, and they’re all different versions of Buzzfeed’s Tasty, and really, he hates social media, so he decides it’s going to not have anything to do with him and be purely about baking, so the only thing he ever posts is donuts. Okay, so there are cakes and cookies and cream puffs, too, and sure, probably whatever else he’s decided to give a whirl that week, but his one true love is donuts, and he’s going to try every possible design he can find.

He spends a lot of time on Pinterest, and a lot of time actually doing the baking, so when it finally comes around for the picture-taking, he’s pretty worn out and doesn’t care, but Penny finds his social media one day, sees all his shoddy pictures, and immediately takes over the entire operation.

Caption: HAPPY LOVE DAY GET YOUR BARF BAGS READY.

Who would you follow on social media?